You guessed it. When Kirby breaks out his wife-beater and never-nude shorts, it's business time.
Last night Jes came over to help me out with a hair problem. Exhibit A:
Let's face it, the wife-beater isn't the only thing that makes me look like trash. My hair was awful. So I sat down on a metal, fold-out chair in my bathtub while Jes chopped away with my beard trimmer and IKEA scissors. The final result: A Euro-trash mullet faux-hawk thing complete with steps on the back of my head. Exhibit B:
I would like to start off today by apologizing for the inappropriate language in the title of my post. It's a line from a show to which Molly and DJ so graciously introduced me. To that I owe the majority of my happiness in life.
Jersey Shore is like "The Real World". Six strangers, chosen to live in a house without rules and with lots of alcohol. They are given a job for a tee-shirt company and must continue to work together in order to live in a house that has all of the amenities and so much more. So what's the difference from "The Real World"? Every one on the Jersey Shore is either a Guido or a Guidette.
I have obtained the following definition of Guido from Urban Dictionary, the online source for slang definitions:
"A guido is an Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons to low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining. He spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to 'hit the clubs' long into his mid to late 30s. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette".
A simpler, but equally efficient definition was given by Pauly D, you guessed it, a true Guido on the show. He says, "Guido means family, food, tanning, hairgel and fist-pumping". So there you have it. Fist-pumping is the way Guidos dance when clubbing. The shake their fist in the air, as if punching an invisible person. It's the latest craze.
They also have nicknames, usually created by themselves. We found a guido nickname generator on the internet. I am now K-tan. Molly is "The Good Time". DJ is "D-killer". Please refer to us only by these names.
Well, as soon as you are done reading this I highly recommend devoting the next 8 hours to watching the entire season on MTV.com.
Before I go, I would like to leave you with a picture from the season finale, at which Molly, DJ and I dressed up in full guido gear.
I'm not going to lie. I love having an iPhone. It's the greatest thing since Mariah Carey's Christmas Album (I've just been thinking a lot about her since Molly introduced me to a playlist on youtube devoted to all of her videos. Several of which include her in outfits made entirely of denim.). I have been downloading tons of applications. My two recent favorites are swap faces and photoshop (the lite versions, so it's free MOM).
side note: My mom also got an iPhone but is terrified of apps. She claims that even though they say they are free, they're not. If by chance you aren't charged upfront, don't worry, they will start charging monthly fees after about 30 days.
Since my life has been fairly uneventful recently, I will post some of my most recent works of art.
I would also like to put in a plug for MTV's hottest new show: Jersey Shore. Watch it. After 10 minutes of the pilot episode you will never be the same. Now without further ado...
Jeannine and I watched the devotional together.
Two girls sat under a bulletin board and it looked funny.
"DJ" took this picture on my phone. Then I photoshopped it.
Do you remember that dinosaur movie in which a group of friendly cartoon dinosaurs roamed the streets NYC? It's name is the title of the blog. There's no particular reason, just that I needed something as a title that was creative and still got the message across that I'm going back to school.
First off, I'm sure you have already noticed that I no longer have a facebook account. If not, go sign on to facebook, type my name in the search box, if nothing pops up then you know I'm telling the truth. Why am I doing this? No, this is not part of my new hippy phase where I'll spend the time I'm not on facebook hugging trees, doing yoga, and trying out new tofu recipes. I'm doing it because I want to. And people tell me not to. Which makes me want to do it more. I might be back, who knows? But I'll try to be more regular on this thing.
Are we cool, then? good.
I would put the picture of me on my first day of school here. But I think I MMS'd it to everyone that pays attention to this, so I'll skip it.
My schedule is really different this semester than anything I've ever had before. I have to wake up at 7. It's kind of hard, but it makes me more motivated. Plus it's a class about teaching High School. I'm loving it. Next week I'll begin observing real French teachers in action!! I'll do that every day of every other week.
That's about it. More will come later. Now that I have an iPhone I should be better at taking pictures.
Have you heard that new black eyed peas song? Well on our way to New Mexico, at about 4 AM, it came on the radio and it was perfect (a total infinite song for those of you who know Perks). Well last night we (DJ and I) went to see Molly during her break, but her boss let her go early! Well as I was driving home from the mall to get my costume on, the song came on again! It was perfect...you know, since it was Halloween and we had lots of plans and it was going to be "a good good night".
So my costume: Elliot from ET, the night that he discovers ET hiding in the shed. So nobody got it, big deal! I got to dance all night in nothing but long johns. I had a big red puffy coat and a bag of Reese's Pieces. The DJ at the dance was pretty lame. He kept pausing in between songs to do like trivia games and talking about Steve Young or something lame. And he played the YMCA twice (one was the techno dance version). And he played cotton eye joe. Pretty much every song that keeps people from actually dancing with each other. That didn't stop Jes and me. That was the first time I ever freak danced to "boot scoot and boogie" though. I recommend it.
Here's our group in costume: Me--Elliot; Jes--French; Caitlyn--Jew; Sarah--Angel; Ryan--monster; DJ and Mols--Army couple
Shotgun Wedding!!!
As soon as the Chicken dance came on, we grabbed our things and got out. We went back to DJ's to watch a movie. I put molly's pregnant belly from her costume on under my long johns (it was just a stuffed frog) and it made me look like one of those kids from Africa, or maybe just Adra. My skinny legs contrasted by this protruding stomach. Then DJ held me and pretended to be a celebrity asking people to donate a penny a day...
But really, for the price of a cup of coffee a month, you could help me have a full meal each day and go to school. Please call.
People have told me that my childhood was incomplete without "the Goonies". So we watched it. And let's face it: a) I'm pretty sure 12 year old Sean Astin wrote the whole thing b) Sloth (wth?) and c) "There will be NO signing! Not Today! Not EVER!" (the dad). I was uncomfortable the whole hour and a half.
All in all, Halloween was great. But I started singing Christmas songs last Wednesday.
Highlight of the evening: Sarah's unfortunately placed hand.
This week has been crazy. 4 midterms. 1, 6pg research paper. much needed social life time. and the cherry to top it all off: a leaky faucet has caused the utter destruction of my apartment. My sink is in the hallway. My toilet, it's in the bath tub. The dishwasher is in the living room. Floor boards? They're no longer with us. It's been like this for 3 days now. Where's the klonopin?
On a lighter note, I went to the temple today. I participated some sealings to get prepped for Molly and DJ--"The Wedding". It was really nice. Then Molly and I watched Grey's Anatomy together. Can I just say that this is their best season yet? Cause it is. I have no respect for anyone who doesn't like that show. I even got the TV nazi (Jes) to watch an episode and she liked it. BOOYA!
Good news (for me)! My application is in. That's right. In approximately 11 months I will most likely be boarding a plane headed to France for an English teaching internship. Every time that thought arises I get weak in the knees and need fresh air (that's what "prendre l'air" means). Don't hate me. I love America. I'm just not in love with it. I don't know for sure if I'm accepted, it will take a while. But let's face it, I'm kick-a. How could I not get accepted, right? Just kidding. But this is a dream come true. So keep me in your prayers por favor. I mean, I'm as excited about this as I was about my mission. Is that bad?
Here's the beautiful Carla Bruni, singing that beautiful song about which I blogged last time. I think you all need to hear it. Disregard the weird half naked man with a candle. Focus on the beauty of the song.
“Quelqu’un m’a dit” (“Someone told me”) is a French song by Carla Bruni, the wife of President Sarkozy. She used to be an Italian supermodel. But now she’s just the first lady of France and a very successful singer/songwriter. No big deal. It was first introduced to me in the film “500 days of Summer”.I have since bought a CD of Carla Bruni and fallen in love. Naturally.
Someone may have told you that I’m moving to France. I’m here to discuss this rumor. It is hopefully true. I’ve found an internship which would permit me to live in a boarding school in a city of my choice in France, teaching English. I will be paid 950 Euros a month, which after taxes yields 750 Euros. I’m still looking into some areas, but I feel really good about this. I had the opportunity to meet up with a friend of mine from France, Marie-Laure, while she was visiting her BF in Moab.
This is she with a friend of mine, Sam, who was Brian Owen’s companion for a while.
Someone told Jes that she had tickets for the Sunday morning session of Gen Con ’09 (take 2!). We left at 8am. The tickets were retrieved at 8:45am. We realized that they were for the Sunday afternoon session at 9:15am. Despite this humorous setback, the afternoon session was formidable.It sprinkled a little bit, but we looked great. And that’s what matters most.
Someone told Molly how to click her heels. She succeeded at balloon camp.
Someone told Albuquerque that only one balloonist was coming for the fiesta.
Someone told me that New Mexico was pretty much the same as the old one.I haven’t been to Mexico, but I have been to the new one. In one word, my experience was perfect. DJ’s friends are some of the nicest, most accepting, loving, genuine people I’ve ever met. Balloon Camp was beautiful and must be seen to really comprehend. I will post some vids and pics (yes, I did just abbreviate those words), but trust me. You won’t get the full effect.
I’ll tell you something, I’m tired of writing, so I’m just gonna throw some pics up. After all, that’s what you really came to see.
Molly and I are ready to get the party started.
DJ, Mason, and I were knighted by the Energizer Balloon people.
Jes was too.
We did Yoga with some giant bumble bee's.
The balloons lit up at night time.
The morning after we got up at 4am. It was freezing.
Boobies!
DJ's friends...some of them. Look at all the balloons!
That night, G-ma got the engagement party started with Mason's new blow-dart gun. We shot balloons and cosmetology school doll heads. She was the best by far.
The way home we saw an Indian village. Okay it was a casino. But it had a tee-pee. I don't know how to spell that.
I took that picture. So I'm alone in this one.
Check out the cool lighting provided by the balloons.
And last but not least, after the proposal, Molly sang to DJ the song that his mom sang to him and his siblings growing up. I think it's John Denver, but I could've made that up.
